"Enjoy this because it's probably the last time we'll actually be the same speed!" These were my words to my mom as we headed out for a run on Sunday, my first real, pleasureful run over a mile since July. I was so excited, even to go slow. I had waited so long, pining for the chance to pound the turf, and completely restricted. Before this day I would never have run with my "slow" mom. But today my recovering injury put us on the same level, and I was content with that. Our little jaunt of celebration seemed right. She has been, after all, the greatest support to me through this injury process.
At the end of July I injured my achilles tendon. The doctor warned me that recovery would be slow, most likely taking me out of action for the whole cross country season. My last cross country season. I was so upset, so angry, but I rose to meet this challenge in a new way, and grew up a little bit throughout the next month and a half. But I certainly could not have done it without my mother. When I doubted God's plan for my season, she filled me with faith. When I didn't know how I would heal she bought special creams and stretching blocks. Most importantly, she prayed, holding my foot in her hands every night and asking God for guidance and healing. Her arms were the ones that comforted me, her hands those that dried my tears. Her words were the words that lifted me up through little notes, or small praises and encouragement. My mom was by my side through it all, hurting more than I did in that way that only mother's can.
And here she was, still beside me, running, and smiling between heavy breathes as
she watched me, grinning from ear to ear. So slow but still running. It
felt wrong in so many ways, too slow, too brief, my shoes heavy with
new orthotics and my breath short. But in more ways it felt so right.
The movement, the steady pounding rhythm, sharpened awareness of beauty
all around. I was filled with hope, that maybe I would run with the team this season, maybe I would even compete! The window of desire that I had closed in the pain of hopes that do not come to pass, was now open and the air rushing past brought new dreams in with the old. Gratitude flowed from my heart out through my smile and into my stride. Gratitude for the people who had supported me, the team that still loved me, and the God who was healing me faster than anyone predicted. Gratitude for my mother. I felt like pumping my fists in the air saying "look ma, I'm running!" but instead I just beamed at her and trotted around the neighborhood. It felt right to be running with my mom. Though I may have once called her "slow," her love and support throughout the whole injury process certainly
justified her presence in this celebration of healing.
Constructive criticism please!
This blog post is beautiful, I think that almost everyone can think of a time that the only person able to make something feel better was your mom. Ive been in your shoes, many late nights with my mom thinking about how an injury could change my day to day life. Glad you are back doing what you love!
ReplyDeleteI really like the story and the feelings that this blog post evokes. I can relate to your feelings of anticipation to get back to running. It's good that you are finally able to begin running again, even if you have to start slowly.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! You draw parallels in an elegant and considerate way, and I admire that a lot. There's the moments back in July when you first got injured, the way you and your mom interacted then, and you compliment those with the moments now, and it all blends really well. I also love that you talked about the way your injury made you grow up, because I feel that so much. Having an injury (and especially while having someone there to help guide you through it) is a really eye-opening experience, particularly when it holds you back from something you've been a part of like cross country :-(. I got a hip injury in freshman year, and I still haven't been able to get back to running, but it's made me think about sooo much stuff, and my mom's been there to help me, too! This is a really thoughtful post, great job Grace :-)
ReplyDeleteI love how you looked back on an injury that has been very hard on you and then identified and articulated the emotional process- that's often very difficult to do. It was cool to see the connection between your mother as she helped you through your injury and then recently as she ran beside you. In addition, as a nonreligious person I appreciated the inclusion of how your faith helped you because it helped me to better understand the effect of faith on the lives of those who are religious. Awesome job!
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